Abusive Relationships: Getting Out
How to Get Away from an Abusive Spouse or Partner
If you are being abused, you need a plan in place so that you can leave: when to go, where to go, and how to stay away.
It can be very hard to admit when you are a victim in an abusive relationship, but now that you've gotten that far, you need to know how to get out. Whether you need to escape an abusive marriage or a dating relationship with an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend, your safety is of the utmost importance.
Call For Help
If you have made the decision that you need to leave, you may need help to assure your personal safety, and the safety of any children you may have. Call 911 if you feel you are in danger at any time. File for a restraining order.
You need to leave when your partner is going to be out of the house for at least several hours. Hire movers, if you can afford them. If not, call friends or relatives to help you pack your belongings as quickly as possible. Rent a truck or van to help you move everything at once. You do not want to have to make multiple trips; if your partner comes home early, you could be forced to leave things behind.
If you do not have anyone who can help you pack your things and move, you can call the police and request their presence. At the very least, ask a neighbor to stay with you just to keep an eye out for your partner.
Where to Go
Do not tell your partner where you will be staying. If you are staying with a friend or relative who is known to your partner, you run the risk of him or her finding you there and confronting you. If your partner is violent, this could put your friends and family in danger.
If violence is a concern, you should consider staying at a local domestic violence shelter until you can find somewhere else to live. Domestic violence shelters can provide a safe place to stay, as well as legal assistance, financial assistance, counseling, help finding a job, and help relocating.
If You Are Married or Have Kids
If you are married, you will need a good divorce lawyer. If you have kids with your abuser, you will need a good lawyer to help you with a custody suit. It will help your case - divorce or custody - if you have documented dates and details of any abuse that has taken place. If you have police reports or medical documents to produce as evidence in court, that would be ideal, but just writing everything down in a journal is better than nothing.
Stay Away from Your Abuser
Because it can be hard to put your emotions aside, it may be difficult to stay away from the person who hurt you. Chances are, you still love your partner. You may have been together for months or years, but you likely wouldn't have stayed if you weren't emotionally invested in the relationship. You probably believe that your partner loves you, too, despite the abuse inflicted upon you. The important thing to remember is that love is not supposed to hurt. Your safety and well-being was not respected. You deserve someone who loves you and respects you enough not to hurt you.
Enlist Help
Tell all of your friends, family, and co-workers when you leave. That way, the receptionist at work can reject any of your partner's attempts to call you at work. Security can prevent your partner from coming to find you at work. Your sister can call the cops when you're visiting her and his car pulls into the driveway. Your best friend can make sure to keep you busy on weekends when you might've otherwise had plans with your partner. Your mom can invite you over for dinner on what would've been your anniversary.
Additional Information
If you are a victim of domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. Other articles that may be of interest include Children and Domestic Violence: Unsafe Homes Hurt Everyone and Emotional Abuse and Teen Dating: Relationships Should Not Hurt; You Deserve to Be Happy.
