People Who Self-Harm Need Understanding to Heal

Cutting is the Best Known Self-Harming Behavior but There are More

Mar 8, 2009

Living with people who engage in the bewildering behavior of self-harming can be frightening for those who interact with them. However, effective help is available.

The greatest fear for self-harmers is that they are attempting suicide. Some have done so accidentally, but this is not necessarily the case. Although cutting has become the most recognized self-harming, it is one of many such behaviors. There are self-harming behaviors that are not well known. They include: scratching the skin, biting the flesh or the inside of the mouth, burning, pulling out hair, head banging, and ingesting toxins or objects.

In an effort to understand self-harmers, it is important to examine who they are and the rewards of the behavior. According to Self-Injury, it is not a suicide attempt nor is it an attention seeking effort. It is not limited to adolescent females. However, 60% are women between 16 and 25. In our culture it seems to be a mostly Caucasian female issue.

Self-harmers are rewarded by the release of emotional tension. It is a way to deal with anxiety, agitation and anger. Some people describe it as the only way to tolerate intense feelings without resorting to suicide. According to Janice Gabe of New Perspectives of Indiana Inc., self-harming:

There are patterns to self-harm. It is usually learned from others rather than a spontaneous behavior. Because it is a secret, hidden out of fear or shame, it is usually a solitary activity. Consequently, when noticed, it is already an ongoing behavior.

Behavior with an Addictive Quality

The behavior is progressive. People need to do more of it to get the same effect. That is not the only addictive quality to self-harming. It releases chemicals in the brain that produce a calming effect. Young people become addicted to their own chemicals and self-harming is one way to get them released. Once self-harming stops there can be withdrawal symptoms.

So, does it really hurt? Yes, but not only in the way people think. Helping people recover from this behavior involves building understanding. Youth need to be able to talk about it without feeling ashamed or embarrassed. That involves adults who will listen without being shocked, uncomfortable or judgmental. It is important to make it clear that you disapprove of the behavior but not them. Punishing the behavior is not the right answer. Replacing it with a better one is the answer.

Before that happens, each person must discover her own patterns and purpose for engaging in the behavior. They must then be motivated to change. Once a person has resolved to change, teaching to overcome self-harming begins. There are skills that, once learned, interrupt patterns of self-harm. Many young people who exhibit these behaviors suffer from treatable mental illnesses. Investigating the use of medications for these problems should be on the list of interventions.

Watching someone you love engage in this behavior is frightening and mind boggling. However, it is important to remember that she needs to talk to someone openly to begin the healing process. If you can fulfill that need, then there will be many options for efficient and effective interventions when the time is right.

The copyright of the article People Who Self-Harm Need Understanding to Heal in Abuse Recovery is owned by Michael Rohling. Permission to republish People Who Self-Harm Need Understanding to Heal in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.