Validation is an important part of supporting a survivor of abuse and one of the key factors in helping a victim become a survivor. “It occurs when the crisis counselor is able to communicate empathy as to the survivors' experience, its effects, and is able to offer meaningful emotional support and helpful information. The survivor's strength, courage, and ability to recover are recognized in an effort to restore her sense of power and self worth,” according to the New Britain Sexual Assault Crisis Service's Counselor Advocate Training Manual.
Abuse, like sexual abuse, can result in serious psychological trauma for the survivor and she cannot move on from the incident without support. Validating a survivor requires listening to the survivor and providing comfort for the emotions she is going through. In addition, validation creates a bond of trust between the survivor and crisis counselor. The survivor is opening herself up to a stranger and needs to feel supportive. The worse thing that can be done by the counselor, or anyone close to the survivor, is to blame the survivor for the abuse. This discourages her from seeking help and prevents her from becoming stronger.
Examples of Validation
The key to validation is helping the survivor not to feel alone and to know that her emotional responses are okay. The following is an example of a dialogue between a survivor and a counselor (from the Counselor Advocate Training Manual):
Survivor: "I feel like my mind is spinning, like I cannot get anything done anymore."
Counselor: "I can only imagine how frightening that must be, to feel like there are so many things that are moving out of control, and to feel like you cannot concentrate and do things as you are used to."
Notice in the example the counselor is making an active attempt to help the survivor feel comfortable with her crisis response, and that she is not alone. However, the counselor is not detracting from the survivor's experience by reverting to himself/herself. When validating a survivor, keep the focus on her experience and responses. This is her time to express how she is feeling.
Empowering the Survivor
As part of the validation, counselors, as well as friends and family, should empower the survivor. Survivors of abuse can be emotionally vulnerable after the assault, and may internalize negative feelings. Do not blame the survivor for the abuse; instead, remind her how brave she is for coming forward. If the survivor does not know the counselor, such as through a sexual assault crisis hotline, let her know that she is very strong for opening up to a stranger. Empowerment not only helps the survivor deal with her experience, but it also raises her self-esteem.
Things to Remember
When talking to a survivor of abuse, remember to listen to the survivor, keep the focus on her, and increase her inner strength. In no situation should blame be put on the survivor, nor should the counselor or confident give the survivor an order or command related to the abuse, scare her with possible consequences, give advice or lecture her, or divert the conversation to another subject. Remember, it takes a lot for a survivor of abuse to talk about her experience. What she needs is an open ear, not admonishment.
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